awful

I remember the day I took this photograph like it was yesterday. I believe it's about five years to the date since I took it, and what I realize now, is that it was one of the worst days in my life.

 

a few days ago I read an article about words that now have a very different meaning then they used to, and the word awful was one of them. awful used to mean "worthy of awe", which makes a lot more sense then how we use the word today, but right now it fits well to the point I'm making 


I remember that day five years ago, having no hopes for life ever taking a turn for the better. I drowned myself in my own self-loathing and disappointment, and I hated who I was and where I was at. I can't remember why life felt so horrible that day, but for some reason I decided to get on the train and just leave. I brought my single-use camera to a park, took a look at everything around me, and that's when I had the big revelation.

suddenly I felt a warm sensation of relief and acceptance flowing through me. I realized that no matter how horrible everything is where you are, whether it's a time in life, a state of mind or the situation you find yourself in at the moment; there is always a place in nature somewhere, waiting for you to visit and to see the bigger picture. it was thrown at me like a bad metaphor.

I felt the power of the universe that day that was awful in both senses of the word. something I have often done on days like those. I finally had hopes for a new beginning and for a transition into a better life, and so a pathway of the mind was created.